It’s been a very difficult month for me as I try to stay on top of my never-ending schoolwork and other responsibilities. Some days I feel as though I barely have time to catch my breath. This would be the reason why I haven’t put up a post in over a month. And this would be the reason why this post will be brief.
This isn’t the first time I’ve felt like this. In fact, I used to have this perpetual stress/anxiety when I was a children’s pastor and was planning week-long camps and programs for the children in the community. But as soon as I got up there in front of the children, I had to put on my happy face and welcome them to the church with a big smile. While I often didn’t need to put on a show to be happy to see them, some days I just felt like telling them how it’s been a difficult week and I’d appreciate it if they could pray for me and help me to enjoy the day with them. But I never really did that. Perhaps I was too afraid to open up. Maybe I just thought that children’s pastors always needed to be energetic and happy.
Looking back, I wonder what would have happened if I had really put my guard down, opened up to the children, and tell them when I’m really having a rotten day. Would they have lost confidence in me? Probably not. Would they have been able to see that all people–even adults–go through tough times? Maybe. Would they have been given the chance to see that they’re not the only ones with doubts? I hope so. Would they have come to see that it’s ok to be upset with God? I can only wonder.